I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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