I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
