After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
