Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
