well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
