toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
