Ambien. No doubt about it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
