Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
