Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
