Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
