Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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