So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
