what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
