Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
