my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
