How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
