fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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