I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
