wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
