i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
