I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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