the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
