dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
