Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
