Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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