I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
