i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
