What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
