So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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