What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
