I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
