Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
