Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
