i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
