the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
