My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
