singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
