Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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