The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
