ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
