My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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