she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
