remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
