If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we made out on top of his cat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
