We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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