We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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