i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
