Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
did i just pee glitter
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
