Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
my liver is dry heaving
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
