I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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