Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
