Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
