I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
