do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
