smell my finger.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
