So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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