M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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